Contradictions

THAT MAN is always telling me not to pee on the grass. He doesn't like brown patches on his lawn. I don't understand this. After all, I have brown patches and I am very cute and handsome. So what's he talking about?

But then when I "lift my leg" somewhere else, he doesn't like that either.

Case in point: on the weekend he let me out of the house, so I ran downstairs to his workshop and peed there. There was a bad smell in there because he had been painting, but it smelt much better after I had "gone for a tinkle". But he wasn't happy.

Another example: last night he let me out of the house and shut the door. It was really dark and cold outside. We are talking Canberra cold here. So I "spent my penny" on the back step (if he had wanted me to go further away, down the stairs - but NOT onto the grass - he would have turned a light on for me, wouldn't he?)

I wish he would make up his mind. What he is telling me is, don't pee on the grass, but don't pee anywhere else either.

Why doesn't he just let me go in that big white basin inside the house? He doesn't want me to wee there either, every time I go near it he chases me away. There's no lightpole or fire hydrant in our backyard to use (and he would probably yell at me for using them too) and the cars are locked away in the garage so I can't use their wheels.

Sigh. What's a dog supposed to do? Any suggestions?

love and big licks and watch your trouser leg because if it is still for a minute, I might pee on it, Kenny

Sniffing around

I love to smell things. Using my nose I can create a mental map of what's going on in my neighborhood, and what's happening with my favourite people (well, person really, but I am trying to be tolerant of THAT MAN. It's my resolution of the day. Usually my resolutions are things like: "Dig up that old bone in the backyard under the maple tree" or "run around in the pond" or "bark like crazy all day", so I am feeling pretty virtuous about today's resolution.)

My sense of smell is so much better than my eyesight (that's why I bark, sometimes - I can see something a few metres away, but I am not sure of what it is so I bark to show them I am not frightened of it). Also, my hearing isn't that good, one ear is worse than the other.

But what is important is my abilities, not the things I CAN'T do; and I am very good at lots of things. Like: running, eating, jumping, eating, barking, eating, digging, eating. And, I have my sense of smell, which is up to one million times that of a human's.

The smelling receiver is made up of a mucous, a labyrinth of innumerable folds that could cover a surface of 130 m² compared to the 3 m² that humans have. A dog has 120 to 220 million cells next to man's 5 million cells. So, I can detect the change of character of other dogs or humans around me, just by detecting the slight increase or decrease of their hormonal levels and their sweat. This has nothing to do with a sixth sense: dogs can just detect certain signals that go unnoticed by humans.

That's why dogs sniff other dogs, especially their butts. SOOO much information can be gathered! Same with people's butts. Its like a computer check on their mental and physical wellbeing, with a police check and a few character references thrown in for good measure. Which is why I don't understand when THAT MAN tells me off for sniffing. It's perfectly natural, and very helpful, and really I just can't help myself, I HAVE to do it.

So my sense of smell means that I know when my favourite person is happy or sad, I can tell when other dogs think they are the boss of me (they're NOT, see previous post), when humans feel sick, when THAT MAN is getting my food ready. Did I mention I'm very good at eating?

Anyway, the great sense of smell is why dogs are used to track other animals, to find missing people, to track down criminals, to hunt for drugs or money, and find mushrooms (truffles).

So while humans use a handshake to greet people, I'm sticking with sniffing the other dogs' butt. Or the human's butt. It's a lot more informative, you should try it sometime.

with a sniff and a lick, love from Kenny the wonderdog