I am the boss

My owner tells people I am a middle-sized dog. But I happen to know that I am a LARGE, STRONG, FIERCE DOMINANT dog. I want to dominate every other dog I see. In fact, I DO dominate every other dog I see.

Every pack has a leader and basically, that leader is ME. I especially love proving this to THAT MAN who hangs around with my favourite person. I can make him jump up, run around the house after me, open doors for me, and feed me, pretty much at my pleasure.

My favourite person is the only one I allow to tell me what to do (and even then, I have my moments). She is pretty good about proving she is the boss of me, it can be difficult for me to accept at times. She seems to have a mind of her own, which can be annoying. But also keep me thinking, about ways to BEND HER TO MY WILL. So it's a challenge, which I enjoy.

But my room-mate, Bundy (a well-meaning but dumb Rhodesian Ridgeback) shows me proper respect and does as he is told. He is no challenge at all, having submitted to me about 3 and a half minutes after I walked into the house (well actually, was carried into the house, one of my first displays of forcing my favourite person to do as I want, although she won't carry me around any more, not sure why)).

Don't get me wrong, I do have friends. Sometimes this other woman brings over her dog, Ocker, and we play (as long as he does what he is told) and she also brings over 2 very small people (who can be annoying, but sometimes fun. You know they poke me and prod me and lift my ears up. But I can cope. Sometimes they throw a ball for me which is good.)

Anyway, back to ME and how I am the boss.

I am the pack leader and if everyone would just acknowledge that, we could move on. When we go for a walk around the block, sometimes other dogs think THEY are the leader so I have to bark and growl and lunge at them to show how tough I am. My person usually doesn't let me near them which is a pity because then I would REALLY show them.

I don't understand what she means when she tells people "Sorry, he thinks he is a bigger dog than he really is". After all, size isn't everything. Even THAT MAN would agree with me about that.

with big licks from Kenny (the Boss) the spotted wonder dog

Doggy treats

My owner sometimes buys me delicious treats from Milly's company, Happy Yappers

14 years ago, Milly was a front seat passenger in a car that ran off the road and hit a rather large tree. Milly was resuscitated and intubated at the scene and airlifted to hospital. One of her many injuries & the most life altering was a brain injury.

Milly's life changed dramatically, instantly. Overnight she went from being a gregarious 21 year-old student with a social life that would stagger any Hollywood Starlet, to being too afraid to cross the road on her own. After going through a year of rehabilitation, left with permanent injuries and dealing with debilitating depression, Milly had to try and figure out what her new role in society was to be.

She was unable to return to study as she now had trouble learning and retaining new information, reading had now become harder, she got migraines that would last days, the list goes on.For the next five years after experiencing the Criminal court where the Driver was charged, Milly had to endure the gruelling system that many road trauma victims experience the fight to seek compensation.

Eventually after all the legalities were over with, her family bought a puppy to keep her company, a female Golden Cocker Spaniel, named Riley. It was amazing the difference she made to Milly's life.She gave Milly back her confidence and self worth not to mention enjoyment – from going to puppy school, dog obedience classes, meeting other dog owners. Milly began to socialise, but had Riley as the focus, not her or her disability.

Milly also found that she felt more comfortable when she was out walking with Riley, as opposed to walking by herself.

Another positive spin off from Riley entering Milly's life was creating Milly's own business, Happy Yappers – biscuits for your pooch! Milly wanted to make dog biscuits for her own dog at home and with the help of her partner, Tony, a chef, created a recipe. The local pet shop owner, Scruff started to sell the biscuits.

For the first time in years Milly was actually paid for something that she had done – it had nothing to do with her disability, Social Security and the TAC. Today HAPPY YAPPERS are sold all around Australia in selected stores, online and are exported to several countries including the UK. Harrods' in London even stock HAPPY YAPPERS! (you can read this information and more on HAPPY YAPPERS website)

These treats are given my spotted dog seal of approval. Maybe you can buy some for your four-legged friend too. Go to http://www.happyyappers.com.au/ShopOnline.htm

big licks to your face with my hot doggy breath, Kenny

Do dogs stink?

THAT MAN who hangs around with my owner is always telling me I stink. I think that's a little unfair because I do get washed once a month by a lovely man who comes to visit with a car and a little trailer who washes me, dries me and gives me a biscuit.

I think THAT MAN may be referring to the little eruptions that emanate from my rear end every so often. Even so, still unfair criticism! Because I have a delicate stomach, and I get no say in what I get fed. I have to eat whatever is put in front of me (and being a dog, always finish it, even if it is a bit ordinary).So sometimes, a smell comes out of my rear end. But it's not such a bad smell. Sometimes my nose is VERY close when this happens, (being a dog and all, I like to lick, you get what I'm saying?) and it's not so bad.

In fact it smells pretty much like whatever I have eaten (you know the old saying, what goes in, must come out). I find beans and cauliflower to be the worst offenders.

On rare occasions, I must admit, it is a bit too powerful. That's when I get up from my bed for no apparent reason (to you) and go for a bit of a walk around the house. By the time I get back, the air has cleared a bit.

But the worst times, are when THAT MAN seems to let one go (apart from the smell, I can see him shift a little to one side, and raise up one butt cheek a bit), and then he tries to blame me! I quite enjoy that smell. But he jumps up and waves his arms and yells at me and puts me outside. As if my owner can't tell the difference between his little gas bubbles and mine. But to save him from embarrassment, she lets him get away with it.

I think he should just learn to enjoy it. Maybe if he learned to lick himself a bit more, he would relax a bit.

Big licks to your face, and lots of love from Kenny the spotted wonder dog

Barking mad

That man (the one who hangs around with my owner) is always yelling at me to STOP BARKING.

Well I would like to respectfully inform him that that's what dogs do. Yes, if you want to put it so crassly, "IT'S A DOG THING".

Barking is an instinctive reaction for dogs. For example

• Continuous and fast barking, at a medium pitch: Alert. Problems. Some is entering my territory.
• Continuous and slow barking, at a low pitch: The intruder or danger is close. I am prepared to defend myself.
• Fast barking with pauses every 3 or 4: Warning of a problem approaching. I am asking that man to investigate (he never does, just yells at me).
• Long and drawn-out barks at a high pitch, with pauses between each one: I'm alone and need company.
• One or two short high pitched barks: The most normal greeting.
• One bark normal pitch: Curious, alert.
• Short bark in a high pitch: Shows surprise. If it's repeated twice it means "Look at this!" If it's longer then I'm calling you. Sometimes I use this to mean "I want to go out".
• Brief bark, at medium pitch: Happiness (that's right, not often when YOU'RE around).
• Faltering bark at medium pitch: Asking to play.
• Howl or short bark at a high pitch: "Ouch!" Response to sudden pain.
• Repeated howls at regular intervals: Suffering from extreme pain or something that scares them.
• High pitch or urgent barks that sound desperate, without apparent reason: No real reason, I'm just letting off steam.

So, what this all means is, if I see a cat, I bark. If I see a person, I bark. If I see a leaf blow across the path, I bark. If I hear a door close nearby, I bark. If I need to go out to pee, I bark. If I'm happy to see you. I bark. If I'm lonely or bored, I bark. If another dog barks up the street, I bark. If you come home and don't come out to see me, I bark.

Get it? Hello? It's a MESSAGE. I've heard my owner say you're not very empathic, now I know what she means.

So get used to it and stop telling me to stop barking because I'm barking for a reason, even if you're too DUMB to work it out

People who yell at dogs

One of my owners (well really, the partner of my owner, because I don't think of HIM as my owner at all, just some annoying person who seems to be joined at the hip to with my owner whether I like it or not) yells at me. In fact to be honest I don't like him much at all, my owner spends far too much time with him when she could be spending it with ME and we would all be better off. Its not that I'm being jealous (jealousy being far beneath the dignity of a handsome liver spotted dog such as myself) I'm just being truthful.

Now the fact of the matter is, I LOVE IT when he yells at me. It is one of the most fun things in my life. Usually it happens when they arrive home in the evenings, they open the back door and I run in and run around and around the house, slipping and sliding on the polished floorboards and tiles, knocking things out of the way, jumping on and off the furniture - its fantastic! The highlight of my day! The sense of freedom and delight in running around like a mad dog (no leash and walking to heel). And HE yells at me, and runs around after me trying to catch me, which makes it even better. He yells things like "Get on your mat" "sit down" "stop running" "Kenny come here" all of which I ignore and which stir me into more of a frenzy of running and sliding.

I don't think he realises how much it adds to my evening fun to have him yelling at me.But I appreciate it. If he didn''t yell and run, it would take a lot of the fun away. I hope he doesn't stop doing it.

On again off again

My owner started exercising this year, some sort of New Year's resolution apparently. Sometimes (YAY) she takes me for a walk around the block (she calls it a jog but I don't get past a walk). But on other days, she gets dressed in the same sort of gear, but instead of taking me for a walk she gets in her car and drives away!

I don't get it. How does that help her exercise? She does come back an hour later hot and sweaty but I don't understand how sitting in the car can do that. I think she would be much better off learning to run faster so I can get a bit of a run - I wouldn't want to lose MY fabulous figure as I get older, would I?

Upset stomach

My owner gave me some great food over the long Easter weekend. Roast lamb leftovers, roast duck leftovers, all sorts of yummy stuff (although she keeps refusing to give me chocolate, I don't know why, it smells GREAT).

But, to try to put it delicately, all that rich food has given me a bit of an upset stomach. So each night when I go down into my bedroom under the house (which THEY like to think is their workshop, but I prefer to call my bedroom), I'm afraid I have had a little accident. Its not my fault, I'm locked in there, but then in the morning THEY are really angry with me. I don't see what the problem is, its nothing that a roll of toilet paper and some air freshener wont fix.

Well my diet is back to the usual now so perhaps my delicate stomach will recover soon and these little accidents will stop.

Daylight savings

What's going on with the clock thing and sleeping in? Everyone in my house slept in the other day. And they've done it again the past 2 days. I want my breakfast!

They tell me its daylight saving ending or something but really how inconsiderate, why can't they just get up and GET MY BREAKFAST? It's alright for them, they eat a couple of times a day, but they only feed me ONCE and now they're making me wait longer for it.

If they got up earlier they could take me for a walk instead of lazing around in bed.

yours hungrily,
Kenny the spotted wonder dog