Barking mad

That man (the one who hangs around with my owner) is always yelling at me to STOP BARKING.

Well I would like to respectfully inform him that that's what dogs do. Yes, if you want to put it so crassly, "IT'S A DOG THING".

Barking is an instinctive reaction for dogs. For example

• Continuous and fast barking, at a medium pitch: Alert. Problems. Some is entering my territory.
• Continuous and slow barking, at a low pitch: The intruder or danger is close. I am prepared to defend myself.
• Fast barking with pauses every 3 or 4: Warning of a problem approaching. I am asking that man to investigate (he never does, just yells at me).
• Long and drawn-out barks at a high pitch, with pauses between each one: I'm alone and need company.
• One or two short high pitched barks: The most normal greeting.
• One bark normal pitch: Curious, alert.
• Short bark in a high pitch: Shows surprise. If it's repeated twice it means "Look at this!" If it's longer then I'm calling you. Sometimes I use this to mean "I want to go out".
• Brief bark, at medium pitch: Happiness (that's right, not often when YOU'RE around).
• Faltering bark at medium pitch: Asking to play.
• Howl or short bark at a high pitch: "Ouch!" Response to sudden pain.
• Repeated howls at regular intervals: Suffering from extreme pain or something that scares them.
• High pitch or urgent barks that sound desperate, without apparent reason: No real reason, I'm just letting off steam.

So, what this all means is, if I see a cat, I bark. If I see a person, I bark. If I see a leaf blow across the path, I bark. If I hear a door close nearby, I bark. If I need to go out to pee, I bark. If I'm happy to see you. I bark. If I'm lonely or bored, I bark. If another dog barks up the street, I bark. If you come home and don't come out to see me, I bark.

Get it? Hello? It's a MESSAGE. I've heard my owner say you're not very empathic, now I know what she means.

So get used to it and stop telling me to stop barking because I'm barking for a reason, even if you're too DUMB to work it out